Things People with Invisible Illness DO Want to Hear

Sometimes it's hard to know what to say to someone with an invisible illness, such as fibromyalgia (FMS) and chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS or ME/CFS).

I recently looked at 5 Things People with Invisible Illnesses DON'T Want to Hear - now here are 5 things we do want to hear:

1. "If you're not up to going out, we can just get together and (talk/play cards/watch a movie)." This shows that you understand the limitations of the illness and gives the person an alternative to canceling plans.
2. "Let's do our grocery (or Christmas) shopping together. I'll pick you up." Shopping can be extremely tiring for us, and it can really help to have someone else there to help with things like loading and unloading the car, or trekking back across the store for a forgotten item on the other side.
3. "How much are you up for today?" This shows that you understand energy levels can vary from day to day and can help your companion feel comfortable expressing his/her limitations.
4. "How are things going?" This is better than asking "how do you feel." It opens the door to all aspects of life, instead of just physical well being. Most days, I don't feel that great, but my life might be going really well.
5. "Can I (pick you up/help with that/etc.)?" This works better than something like, "Do you need me to...." because it shows a willingness to help without implying the person is incapable or is a burden.

If you're willing to put in the effort to understand your friend's/family member's illness and limitations, thank you! Chronic illness can be lonely, and having supportive people around us is invaluable.

Suggested Reading:

• National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week
• A Simple Explanation of Fibromyalgia
• Understanding Chronic Fatigue Syndrome