Decision-Making Difficulties in Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
It's one of the really frustrating aspects of living with fibromyalgia - I've got a simple decision to make, yet my brain clouds over. I'm mentally paralyzed and can't decide. Whether it's what to make for dinner, whether I have time to change lanes, or the best day for a hair appointment, sometimes I just can't figure out what to do. Will I be able to carry out my plan? Will it be too much for me? Will I have to cancel at the last minute?
A recent post in my forum really opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of us with fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome struggle with this. The poster wrote:
"I felt incompetent - something I worked so hard all my life not to be! Of course the stress and guilt of indecision weighed on me so much it ended up making me feel more frustrated and depressed which simply made making decisions and taking action on them all the more difficult. What an ugly cycle!"
So what can we do to break this cycle? Over time, I've forced myself to make a decision, and also to commit to things. Even though I sometimes have to cancel or modify plans (which I give myself permission to do), I'm able to follow through more and more often. It has worked for me, and for this forum poster as well. Here's what she says about the results:
"So now (although it is still can be a struggle) I make decisions, commit to things, and work through my to-do list, And, surprise, surprise, the consequences of this approach are far better than the consequences of indecision and procrastination. I have also found that I am much stronger, much more able, much more determined than I ever thought I could be when I first started living with Fibro. To be honest, back then I wasn't really living with Fibro, I was a mess of Fibro symptoms existing day to day."
This is something all of us can do to help ourselves feel empowered and more in control - one small step along the journey to improve our quality of life.
Do you wrestle with indecision? Are you afraid to make plans that you may have to cancel? Have you found a way to move beyond it? Leave a comment below so we can all help each other!
Suggested Reading:
- Living With Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
- Learn How to Pace Yourself
- The FMS/ME/CFS Brain - Neurotransmitter Dysregulation
Photo © Tom Fullum/Getty Images
Comments
Yeah I go through the “I’m just going to do it” theory as I’ve always been a self-starter, self-motivated, highly productive individual. And yes after a task is complete – typically something small nowhere near my monumental tasks of old – I get that great feeling of accomplishment.
But having CFS for a decade now – it’s always the same ending – typically after less than a week – many times just after a day or two. Where I find myself in bed in total disbelief that the very little effort I did put me there. I wait it out, and start the whole process all over again, and somehow the years have passed all too rapidly!
I’m just holding out with hope that yes someday my life will unfold into something acceptable and productive!
I am a 39 year old male that has been diagnosed with fibro/cfs for two years, though I lived for two years before that in frustrated search of what the problem was. As it would happen, I also married at age 36 and my new wife got to live this struggle with me for the past 4 years. Unfortunately, she has reached the end of her rope and has kicked me out of our home. She had been coddling me the past couple of years, trying to protect me, and apparently she was in a state of extreme dissonance. One Sunday a few weeks ago we were walking on the beach talking about having children and on Thursday of that week she told me her life was empty, she didn’t love me and to get out of the house. She arranged for us to see a marriage councellor that in our first group session, indicated to me that there was no hope for the relationship to continue. I can see what has brought us to this spot, the indecision that is spoken of in this article and how it is related to a depression I did not know I had until this separation made me face it. Still, I can’t help but feeling a little victimized by FM. It looks like it is about to destroy my marriage and I was only doing what I thought was best. I was trying to get things done at home but would often end up very confused. I got limited things done than I wanted to do, got less done than my wife asked and it finally melted down. She was under a terrible amount of pressure at work and to maintain our mortgage. Everyone has different breaking points and arrives at their feelings subjectively, so I do not blame her. FM really did make me blind to it coming at me, though.
This is one ’symptom’ that has affected a lot of lives and relationships and careers. And usually we do not associate it with the disease until it is too late. I have always been a good procrastinator but could always “pull it off” perfectly at the last minute. I still keep trying to live that way and it does not work! The extreme symptoms began at a time in my life when I was going back to school (45) and changing careers. I had previously built a business and had set goals and met them. Suddenly here I was graduating and no idea what to do next. I feel stuck because I don’t know what to do, the paths ahead of me are just all blurred together and I can’t focus long enough to make anything happen. That was about 15 years ago and I just realised yesterday I have not set a goal and met it since! (interesting this post came up today!) I am hoping I can be realistic when I do start setting goals so I don’t dissapoint myself. First goal, get a notebook and write down one goal for today so I can check during the day to remind myself to keep on the goal. I think the key will be to set only a daily goal and not try to go beyond that for a while. So today, get a notebook for my daily goals!
I definitely wrestle with indecision. It is often quite pathetic and about the silliest things. It actually cripples me at times so I don’t do anything.
I am afraid to make plans that I may have to cancel. I avoid commitment because I don’t want to let others down. I have been judged frequently because people do not believe me. They think I am a hypochondriac or I am making an excuse to get out of things.
Eventually people stop asking & drift away. I have lost many friends this way. It has gotten to the point that I cringe when we receive an invitation to an event. I would rather be left alone as it is easier. I hate having to explain myself & I refuse to make up white lies to get out of things. I now tell people the truth without going into big explanations. They can then chose to think or believe what they wish.